


Seeing Red

by Sagitarrow



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-08
Updated: 2016-08-08
Packaged: 2018-08-07 11:31:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7713334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sagitarrow/pseuds/Sagitarrow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There’s a constant throbbing in his spine, like someone royally pissed at him is taking a hammer to it. It radiates through his whole body, every inch is pulsating and Lance can’t even remember what it was like to be pain free.</p><p>Or:</p><p>Lance falls down a hole. The rest of the team freaks out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seeing Red

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically an excuse for Lance angst.

His back is killing him.

That’s the first thing he thinks when Lance comes to. There’s a constant throbbing in his spine, like someone royally pissed at him is taking a hammer to it. It radiates through his whole body, every inch is pulsating and Lance can’t even remember what it was like to be pain free.

He should probably open his eyes, he thinks, figure out how he got here. But opening his eyes only brings a new wave of pain. They’re filled with bright, sharp red that burns his eyes and sends daggers in his head. He darts his eyes left, right, but all he sees is the fiery color.

He’s in Hell. He has to be, finally atoning for his terrible puns. Or maybe it was his crappy jokes. Or maybe the time he replaced Keith’s shampoo with everyone’s favorite green food. But then he realizes there’s no fire. His whole body is being hammered at. But, it’s not burning. Okay, so not in Hell. Then where is he?  
It makes the knives in his skull sharper but Lance tries to think back to what happened. There was a kick to his gut, he remembers that. And a momentary feeling of weightlessness before a sharp, unbelievable pain and then—

Black. 

He fell. That’s sounds like something he’d do. He wants to remember why but the knives are telling him he’s done enough thinking for the day. 

Instead he lies on whatever it is he’s on, letting his body do nothing but listen to the loud noises above him. His ears are filled with crashes and bangs and he chooses to focus on them instead of his body that’s currently trying to rip him apart.

He listens to the noises, really listens and realizes they sound like lasers. Kind of like the ones Blue shoots in battle. Huh. He feels like that should be important.

But Blue. His heart is aching for her. His lion is the only one without a pilot. She’s the only one not fighting. She must be devastated. He’ll make it up to her if he gets out of here alive.

The lasers are louder now, piercing his ears and shaking the world around him. Bits of red are falling and crumbling. He should probably be nervous about that. It’s never good when his whole world is literally falling apart. But his body is two hundred tons of pure pain right now. He’ll forgive himself for not really caring.

Instead, he smiles at the noises the lasers make, remembering a time when he wasn’t in pain and wasn’t alone and instead was mimicking the rumbling noises and pointing finger guns. He misses Hunk’s p’chows! He misses Pidge’s small p’choos. He misses Shiro’s carefully, cool blams. Hell, he even misses Keith judging all of them. He’ll gladly let them win the sound effect battle if it means he can hear them do it again. 

The real lasers are gone now but the red continues to fall, bringing up dust and haze and Lance has to close his eyes to stop them from watering. 

He forgets the world around him. He forgets the falling, burning red and the hammer through his back. Instead, he visualizes each of his team member’s faces, smiling and happy to make up for the fact that they’re not real.

His pain starts to dim. The throbbing is still there but softer, like it’s hidden at the bottom of an ocean. The world around him no longer blares in his ears and he starts to welcome the black that he woke up from.  
The last thing he’s sees before he passes out again is Keith’s soft smile. 

 

“-ance, Lance… can…hear…?” a familiar voice floods his head. It’s the best sound he’s heard since he’s been in this God damn Hell hole. Strong and serious and he’s sure he’s heard it somewhere before but where? He doesn’t get time to figure it out because another voice comes crashing in. This one is larger, more nervous.

“Oh god, he’s probably unconscious and hurt, so stupid, I should’ve been with him.”

“I’m the one that should’ve helped him, Hunk, it’s not your fault it’s mine.” Another voice juts in. This one is steely, cool. Just listening to it puts chills down Lance’s already pounding spine. But he puts that aside because Hunk is here. And Hunk is upset and he doesn’t know why. He only wants whatever’s making him so scared to stop. 

“It’s no one’s fault, we have to focus on finding him now.” The strong voice is back again and his mind flickers an image of a scarred man with white bangs. Shiro. 

Shiro’s saying things too fast and loud for Lance to be able to keep up but it’s the small sniffles in the background that grab his attention. The sniffles are smaller and higher than he thought anyone could produce. Anyone except… quiznak.

Pidge. Pidge is crying. 

And his already straining heart is shattered because nobody. Nobody, makes Pidge cry. He wants everything to stop. Whatever’s hurting them to chug a gallon of Nunvia and just die. But he doesn’t even know who or what is doing this. Even if he did he can’t do anything. He’s just lying here being torn inside out by his own angry body.

He tries to help anyways.

Saying their name is slow and painful but he manages to sound out “P’dgh” loud enough for the Shiro to stop. For them all to stop and yell “Lance!”

The sound vibrates through his ears and rattles his head. He lets out a small groan.  
Shiro’s voice fills the space again. “Sorry, we’re just happy you responded.”

“s’okay.” 

“Lance buddy, it is good to hear your voice again, man.” Lance smiles because he can feel Hunk beaming even through his voice on the helmet. Pidge’s sniffles stop too, replaced with a slow sigh of relief.

“P’dgh,” He starts again, “m’kay, pr’mse.”

His helmet goes quiet for a second and Lance thinks he might have said something wrong until their voice fills his ears once more. “That’s good, Lance” they say, he can feel the relief in Pidge’s tone. “That’s really good, try to stay okay, we’re on our way to get you.”

“More specifically Keith and I are on our way to get you.” Shiro adds. “You cramped in pretty deep, not all of us can fit.” 

“Plus Pidge and I have to fix some damage done to the castle. We would be there, man, if we could.” Hunk says. And Lance is just so full of love for his team because they’re so good. They fix things and win things and save things (usually him) and he’s just so relieved to have them.

“H’nk?” Lance starts because he needs to give him this. To give all of them this because they deserve it.

“What is it buddy?”

“Ya w’n the las’rss.”

“What?”

“The p’chws!, Ya can h’ve t.” 

“I don’t—“

“I think he’s talking about when we mimicked the laser guns.” Pidge explains because Pidge is so damn smart and Lance is so damn proud of them. “He’s letting you win it.”

“Oh… that’s okay Lance, you can win it.” 

“N’uh,” Because Lance is doing this for them, it’s the only thing he can do for them and he’s not letting Hunk refuse it. 

“All of ya win, cept Keith he’s j’dgy.” Keith doesn’t respond and Lance adds the disappointment he feels to the long list of things that’s torturing him right now.

Shiro starts talking again, directing orders at Keith or Pidge or maybe even Lance. Honestly he’s not sure. Lance quickly tunes him out when he becomes aware of the red on his hand. It’s different kind of red then the one crumbling around him. The crumbling red is glaring and harsh but this red is smooth and rich. It’s sticky, his head is sticky too now that he thinks about it. Was it always sticky before? 

His hand makes his way to his head when a sharp “Lance!” stops him in his tracks. 

“H’m?”

“You have to keep talking Lance,” Shiro tells him. “I know you’re tired but you have to keep talking.” But he doesn’t want to keep talking. He just wants to know why he’s sticky. Why he’s covered in so much red. He tells Shiro this. “Lance, where’s the red?” Lance tells him that too.

“Shit.” Keith finally speaks again, without his usual edge or confidence. His cool demeanor is absent and replaced with a feeling of worry. Keith sounded… scared. Lance’s gut twists. Keith’s never scared. 

And then Lance realizes. Hunk’s panic. Pidge’s crying. Keith’s fear. It was all because of him. He’s the one who made them all so scared and worried. All because he was dumb enough to fall into what? A hole? Guilt shoots through his body, more painful than the hammer on his spine. 

Shiro takes a deep breath before he starts, “Lance just hold on okay, we’re almost there.” There’s guilt and fear in Shiro’s voice and Lance wants to throw up because he’s the reason it’s there. He keeps letting his team down, putting them in this terrible situations. “Lance, I really need you to keep—“

“M’sorry.”

“What?” Keith asks. For some reason he sounds confused. But why the quiznak wouldn’t lance be sorry. His team is working so hard to save him and all he’s doing is laying on the ground.

His stomach is curdling and sizzling in his body and he doesn’t know if that’s from the fall or his guilt but he doesn’t care. He deserves this. He’s the one that put everyone in this mess. He has to get up, move out of wherever he is. At least that way he can be a help to them, make things easier. 

He makes it an inch before the electric rod shoots through his back again. It vibrates through his whole body, every limb turned to radiated mush. He doesn’t realize he’s screaming until everyone starts shouting distressed calls over him. Shiro is barking orders as Keith lets out a string of curses. Pidge breath starts to hitch, and this time Hunk’s does too. Lance feels even worse than he did before. 

“So sorry,” he keeps saying over and over because they need to know just how guilty he feels, just how badly he wants to make things right. Shiro and Keith are both yelling now. At him. At each other, he’s not really sure. Between the guilt and the pain, his already heavy head starts pounding, his stomach is in agony. Or was that his back? Or his whole body. 

He lets it all rush him at once. Every pain and guilt over flooding him until his whole being is broken down and raw.  
He thinks he hears their voices again, only this time it’s clear and crisp and so direct that their sounds trace patterns in his skull. But the red. The red is what wins his attention. It’s no longer bright and painful but soft. Its color, fading and fading with each passing second until his world is a light grey haze. He can’t feel the hammer anymore, or the daggers in his brain. They feel as grey as the red became. It’s probably a bad thing, he thinks. But he doesn’t care. He lets the soft feeling flow through him.

Then somethings on his face, a kind pressure on its side rubbing and stroking and it feels so nice and so warm and the greyness lifts slightly to show rays of purple on some blurry figure. His mouth is moving but Lance can’t make out what because the stern voice he knows he’s heard somewhere before is ringing in his ear. 

It’s not strong this time, though. Instead, it’s yelling and gasping and crying. It feels like chaos on his ears. It’s never felt like that before. 

He catches the faint panic of frantic words. “We… move… hurt… Keith… ready.”

He lets out a “Wha?” before his whole body is electric again. 

The rod jolts through him. The world is flashes of white. The loud screaming that’s burning his throat becomes a distant echoed call. He’s not sure what up or down or real so he tries to focus on the purple rays above him as the world spins and reels. They’re the last thing he sees before everything is black again. 

 

He fades in and out between the smooth black abyss and the dizzying bursts of color. The red is present again neither harsh nor rich but sleek. It’s his favorite version so far. It pops in and out along with black. Whenever he looks up (he thinks it’s up) the purple rays are always above him.

The voices are constantly there too, barely heard and muffled. They make their way through an ocean to meet him. Every once in a while he can make some things out. A quick hang in there, you’re doing great, just a bit more. He’s not sure if these are meant for him or not. 

The gentle pressure, hands, he thinks now, constantly cradle him. The swaying and listing are a constant but the hands make them more bearable, like he’s not alone in these loud chaotic bursts. 

It rocks him and churns him and gently pushes him and places him and if he closes his eyes, it feels like his mother swaying him back to sleep. Her gentle hands rock him as she sings. Lance smiles at the thought.

And then the rocking is suddenly a giant slam and the world is nauseating again. The colors scream (or maybe that’s him again) and the soothing voices that yank him does nothing to alleviate the chaos.

He’s pulled on to something hard and metal. His stomach does another flip and this times he’s puking onto something, he’s not sure what. But, he is pretty sure that someone is stroking him again, this time moving through his hair. In any other situation he’d feel a little like a child but this time he doesn’t mind. He just slumps against this warm, nice person and lets them cradle him.

His body doesn’t move anymore but he still feels like it’s in motion, lifting into the air as his red world becomes smaller and smaller. He closes his eyes, lets the hand in his hair gently stroke him back to the abyss where nothing burns or blurs or make him puke his guts out. He lets the dark take him in and secretly thinks that it would be easier if he stayed there. At least he wouldn’t be hurting anyone else if he stays in his black ocean. He wouldn’t be hurting his team. His new family. He thinks, it might be better if he doesn’t wake up.

He wakes up. Not fully, yet. His eyes still see black but, he’s aware this time. He not lost in an abyss.

The world is no longer blurs of color and pain but still and quiet. The electric rod is gone as well as the daggers. All that’s left is an unbelievable soreness that courses through his body. He feels like he ran across an entire planet. His memories are so vague that at this point, it’s the best possibility.

His brain is too fuzzy and his body is too exhausted to really think about what happened. Instead he lets his body melt into whatever soft, comfy surface he’s on. He lets his hand rest against the weight holding it. He lets his— wait… what? 

His right hand is currently being held by something warm. Warm and nice. His thumb slowly, gently circles it and all he can think about is how nice this weight encompassing his hand is. How warm and soft and safe he feels just holding it. He’s not really sure why. 

There’s a shift next to him. A grunt. And then silence. The weight holds his hand tighter and now he really wants to know who or what is making his whole body feel so alive from just one movement. 

Opening his eyes takes some work. He’s exhausted and sore and only a moment ago was ready to fall asleep again. But he manages to pull them up to see a gray ceiling. There’s shadows covering the walls from a dimly lit lamp in the corner, his lamp in the corner. It’s sitting on his drawer full of his clothes. 

He’s in his room.

That’s a good sign.

And then he notices Hunk sleeping in the corner head rested on the drawer holding a sleeping Pidge in one arm and a snoring Coran in the other. At the other end of the wall is Allura, eyes closed and using her shoulder as a pillow for Shiro’s head. It’s all pretty adorable. Lance is imagining the ways he’s going to make fun of them later when he remembers the reason he woke up in the first place. 

His eyes dart to his hand to see another cradling it in their own. Another surprisingly gentle, unsurprisingly fingerless gloved hand.

Keith’s sitting in a chair next to him, head rested on Lance’s bed. It doesn’t look very comfortable and Lance can’t help but feel guilty that Keith’s going to wake up with back aches because of him. The whole team is, really. Just because he did something stupid. So stupid that his own brain is even refusing to remember it.

He keeps ruining things for them. Making their lives a lot harder and scarier than needed. And maybe, maybe their lives would be better without him on the team. It would be a hell of a lot more comfortable right now at least.

“I know you have a flare for the dramatics but this was a bit much don’t you think?” Shiro’s voice is quiet but comes out of freaking nowhere, making Lance flinch. Keith just holds on to Lance’s hand tighter in his sleep. 

“I’m dramatic?” Lance whispers back, careful not to wake anyone else. “You guy are the ones camping at my bedside for weeks on end.”

“You’ve only been here a day Lance. Three in the healing pod but that’s a bit hard to sleep next to.” Shiro lifts his head gently from Allura’s shoulder.

And this is easier? Lance thinks. There’s a witty comeback somewhere in his brain but Lance can’t get himself to find it. As much he wants to lighten the mood and forget about how badly he screwed up he just can’t. Not with someone nagging on his mind. “How bad was I?”

“That’s not important.”

“C’mon dude. Please.”

Shiro lets out a small sigh and Lance starts to regret asking. “We’re pretty sure you broke you’re back. Banged you’re head up pretty bad too. Honestly, we just tried to get you to the pod as fast as possible so we’re not sure about all the damage.” 

Lance winces. The memory of a sharp fall and a whole lot of pain comes flashing in his head. Any hope of making light out of the situation was gone. The reminder of just how badly he screwed up buzzes in the air. “When did you— where— how did you get me?” He asks, desperately trying to avoid an awkward, unbearable silence.

“Well you were cramped in pretty tight between the rocks, Keith and I had to carry you until there was a big enough space to fly you out of there.” 

“Rocks?”

“Yeah, the whole planet was covered with red rocks, you don’t remember that?” Red. Quiznak. Lance’s hold world of red was just a bunch of freaking rocks. The memories start coming back to him faster now. Mostly of him lying alone. Of being carried. Of him freaking puking like an idiot. The whole thing was so embarrassing. He freaking broke his back because he was dumb enough to fall in a big hole. 

“Lance,” Shiro starts, gently moving off Allura so he can make his way over to his bed. “How much do you remember?” Lance really, really doesn’t want to answer that. 

“I fell in a hole… I don’t know the world was pretty blurry for a while, I think Keith stroked my face.”

“Keith definitely stroked your face, but what do you remember before that?” Why does it matter? He wants to ask. Does Shiro really insist on reliving this right now? To do what? Learn from it? Lance wasn’t really in the learning mood right now.

“A galra soldier kicked me down there... probably because I made some stupid mistake when fighting.” He shuts his eyes, tries to block out the heat of Shiro’s stare on him. But he keeps seeing it over and over. The soldier in front of him, slamming his foot into his gut, and the moment before he hit the ground. The moment he knew it would all go to Hell. “This is all my fault.”

“What? No, Lance-“

“Yes, dude, I keep doing this, with Rover…”

“Rover?”

“The day they flanked the castle, I knew that Rover wasn’t Pidge’s. I just took too long to figure it out, just one second earlier…”

“That wasn’t your fault.” But he’s not listening. No. Lance is too caught up in just how useless he is.

“You’re the leader, Pidge is amazing with tech, Hunk is so strong and kind, and Keith’s… Keith’s good at freaking everything, what am I good for? Besides making jokes, what have I done?”

“You saved my life” that voice wasn’t Shiro’s. He’d recognize it anywhere. Steely and moody even saying four freaking words. “Do you remember that? You saved my life.” Keith’s hold in his hand is no longer gentle. It’s aggressive, desperate.

“What are you-?”

“I was there, when you fell, when he— when the asshole kicked you.” Keith’s brows furrowed which isn’t new but this time his eyes aren’t full of annoyance. They’re full of pain. 

“I didn’t know that.”

Keith’s quiet for a while and for a few seconds Lance thinks he’s done talking. But then he watches Shiro quietly walk to the wall, giving them as much privacy as he can. They both know Keith’s far from finished.

“The monster, it was like a puppet, being controlled by someone else.” a brief memory of a giant robotic beast came into Lance’s mind, mimicking the appearance of Voltron but cruder, more malicious. Keith’s eyes stay on Lance’s hand, circling his thumb like Lance did only a moment ago. “Pidge tried to hack it but, something was keeping her from taking control… only a galra could take control.”

“Oh, shit.” Because now he remembers, how Lance and Keith were so far away from Pidge. How they were desperately racing to get to them before the monster did any more damage. How they were so close until a hidden, massive galra soldier rammed into Keith. How Lance came to view. Fighting him, holding him off, and seeing Keith slip past the soldier just in time for him to push Lance down that rocky ravine. “Oh, shit.”

“You make some seriously bad jokes, it’s true.”

“Wow, thanks for the kind words.”

“But you’re the reason we could beat him, you’re the reason the soldier didn’t kill me before I could help.” But Lance still feels uneasy.

“That was one time Keith, I- I got lucky.” He’s received with Keith’s famous eye roll.

“No you didn’t, you wanna know what you’re purpose here is? You’re so full of trust.” 

Now that surprises Lance. “What does that have to do with—?”  
“  
You had so much faith in me, that I could make it the rest of the way, that I’d be able to control the tech, that I could stop the monster.” Keith’s eyes are ferocious burning Lance’s own as he look at them. “You trusted in me so much that you risked your own life for me, every day you trust us and everyone and although I don’t get how you can, you do. You’re trust is the reason we’re alive. Why everyone on that planet is still alive.”

“Wow.” Lance looks back at his sleeping teammates. He looks at Shiro, whose currently pretending like he’s not listening to their conversation. He looks at Keith, whose purple eyes match the constant rays he saw through his pain, and he thinks. He thinks that although he’s not sure how he has faith in himself yet, he has faith in all of them. How he trusts every single one of them with his life and how every single time they protect it and save it and fulfill it. And how a few days ago, he helped this amazing group of people live. 

Because of him. 

He still doesn’t quite believe it. But for them, he can try. Keith’s still waiting for him to respond. So he does. 

“Between this and the face stroking you’re edging out Hunk for biggest sap on the team.”

“What… really? That’s what you take from this?” 

“And then there’s the whole holding my hand thing. Keith, if you have a crush on me you can just say it.”

“You’re insufferable.” 

“Really it makes sense. I did just save your life. You must have a thing for overwhelmingly attractive, heroes.” Lance can’t help but smile at the pink forming on Keith’s cheeks.

"You wish, go back to sleep idiot.” Lance would happily fulfil that request. But before he closes his eyes, he takes Keith’s hand again and squeezes it.

“But really, thanks.” He closes his eyes and feels Keith squeeze back. 

Keith says one more thing, his soft quiet tone echoing in Lance’s ears. “Mention the stroking thing again and I’ll punch you in the face.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Lance manages before welcoming the black once more. This time with full certainty he won’t be there for too long.

 

Lance, of course, does mention Keith stroking him again. To everyone. All the time. It lasts three days before Keith follows through with his threat. Lance doesn’t really mind, though. As long as they’re both alive, Keith can punch him as much as he wants.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! Comments would be greatly appreciated.


End file.
